butterfly kisses

Concrete jungle, that is. The weekend trip was the getaway I needed to get work out of my system for a while. Of course, work being work, it followed me until Saturday via text messages from the boss. I knew what to expect when I got back today. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

The beaches at Panglao were really something else. It was a hot and humid Saturday and I couldn't wait to get in the water as soon as we got to BBC Public. It's a nice public beach right beside Bohol Beach Club. The current was pretty strong and gave us some really nice waves. The same can be said of the beaches at Alona Kew. We ended the day with a trip to a zoo-like place -- Daks and Gams -- and a dip at the cool semi-fresh waters of Hinagdanan Cave.

Anna's and Amuer's families were such good hosts to us. There never was a dull moment. Especially with Anna's mom.

I may not have pictures to show for my second trip to Bohol but the memories and the fun will always be remembered. It will never fade because it is what eggs you to plan another trip. Soon.

You Are an Indifferent Ex You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them "Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break. It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage. But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes.

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Stayed home yesterday because I was down with a bad case of cough. The rest did me good.

To keep myself from getting bored, I looked at some of the things I still had in shoe boxes. I found letters, cards, gift tags, song lyrics with notes on them -- all from my ex. "To burn or not to burn." That was the question that run through my mind right then and there. And that is when I remembered taking the quiz and my result. Right on target, wouldn't you say?

Where before I couldn't bring myself to throw them away for sentimental reasons, now I find they no longer evoke the feeling of happiness, nostalgia and good vibe when I read them. It's like I know that what I had then was real and good, but now its over and gone; I don't want any of it back. Like Maryann always says -- Write that new chapter in your book of life.

So I am indifferent. Who cares?! Certainly not me.

For no apparent reason
I just started seeing red
dark nimbus clouds hovered
over my head.

Now no one
can come near me
and not feel my black mood
unless a supreme effort I make.


I am majorly pissed. I am so ready to bite the head off of anyone who crosses my path today.

PISCES

May 9, 2005

You need a lot more knowledge and skill in managing your relationships than you at first thought. Romance is an ongoing challenge that requires you to lift your ball game and progressively develop these skills. You’re probably feeling a little nervous about how to deal with certain problems that are arising, and this is due to your tendency to use existing methods rather than stepping outside the square and being a little more creative romantically.


YAWN!!

I am so bored....

PISCES

May 10, 2005

A general tendency to fire off too fast, shoot from the hip and miss, and boil over unpredictably marks this as a very volatile time. Accidents abound, tempers flare, and sudden moves bring cause for regret. Look both ways crossing the street and avoid potentially explosive situations -- and don't fly off the handle yourself.


SIGH.

I should be happy I am almost done with the policy I am working on now. But instead of feeling happy...I can't get out of my head.

Dang!

"Agostino Carracci made this engraving, called Love Conquers All," he said. "What do you see?"
On the right side of the picture were two naked women. On the left side, a baby boy was beating up a much larger and more muscular satyr.
"That," my father said, pointing to the boy, "is Love."
"He is not supposed to be on your side. You fight with him; you try to undo what he does to others. But he's too powerful. No matter how much we suffer, Virgil says, our hardships cannot move him."
Our hardships cannot move him. Love conquers all.

- The Rule of Four, Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason


I don't know what it is about this engraving and the above explanation but it literally made me pause and think. To think of Love as all powerful and that our hardships cannot move him is a new concept to me. My romantic pattern being what it is, I sort of think that it makes sense in a way only I can understand.

I am doing better than I expected when I said I will try to minimize and eventually stop drinking coffee. It is a great effort since I love my cup of java. I went through a time where all I could think, see and smell was coffee. I had moments where I was alternately hyper and irritable. I would sometimes sit at the coffee shop and order hot choco just so I can be around the aroma of coffee. Now, it is not so bad. A few more days and I would've done without coffee for a month!

Right now, I am suffering from another type of withdrawal symptom -- withdrawing from social intimacy. I have a selected few close friends with whom I see every two weeks or so. The past month we have all been busy with work, we can never set a date to get together. The constant reskeds has dragged on. I feel like I am in a weird place. I just want to up and leave. It doesn't really pay to get used to something.

Company beach party yesterday. I had a strange feeling the whole day. Like there was something not pretty bound to happen. I shoved the feeling aside and tried to concentrate on doing my job -- see to it that the day turned out to be a success -- and enjoy a Sunday at the beach, for free. I wanted the affair to be fun and relaxing. It's the least I could do for the employees. It was their one day during the first half of the year to have fun outside the four office walls.

At day's end was when it boiled over. I lost my cool and almost grabbed the beach resort receptionists by their collars and slap them senseless for being such idiots. Sigh. If I had gone home with Tita Paz after lunch, I wouldn't have lost my cool. My day wouldn't have been ruined. But the call of duty was much stronger and I couldn't find it in me to just leave.

The downward spiral continued as I made my way home. I was told bluntly, without minced words, that I could not let off steam or vent anymore. The one person who I thought would be supportive told me that. I just needed to talk to someone about it. Someone who would understand. Apparently, that person wasn't it and yesterday was not the day I thought I would get a sympathetic ear.

Lesson re-learned the hard way: It will always go back to me, myself and I. Other people will never get me.

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Came home to find my brother burning up with fever. I gave him medicines and tried to let him have a few more hours of sleep since he insisted on going to work despite the fever, cough and colds. The medicines helped. At midnight, he left for work and I am left by myself at home. It is a fitting end to an otherwise somewhat trying day. It made me think how wonderful it would be to have my own place. Soon.