butterfly kisses

As I think, so I am; as I continue to think, so I remain.

I will dream lofty dreams, and as I dream, so I become.

The VISION that you glorify in your mind, the IDEAL that you enthrone in your heart - this you will build your life by, this you will become.

- Og Mandino

It has been a somewhat eventful week. I was able to spend some time with friends I seldom do anything with, really. It is somewhat poignant, in a way, because they would be moving to a new office, nay, a new company. While I am sad at being left behind, I am more than happy to know that they would be venturing out into new territory -- meeting new people, adjusting to new procedures and methods of doing things, imbibing a new culture.

They have almost bled my ears telling me they aren't anywhere near ecstatic at the prospect, but I think that the opportunity shouldn't be taken lightly. Maybe it's just the adventurous, risk-taker side of me talking, but I have never really taken a backward step when it comes to change and the new things it brings forth. How else would I know just exactly what is out there, right?

Anywho...as the day of the transfer draws near, Ryan's idea of making everyone a camwhore (Bibay's word which I find so funny yet more than a tad too appropriate in this case ) is the answer. I will never tire of looking at these pictures of people I have worked with and spent some good times with.
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I had envisioned today to be a great one. The day started well enough - woke up early, had a good chat with mom, received a gift from her which made my eyes pop (if I don't receive anything else from mom in the next 15 Christmases, it's just fine ).

Then I got to the office. Things went pretty smoothly for about the first two hours. Then someone got online. I stared at the name and wondered if I still felt something. Nope, nothing. I never thought I'd look at this as a happy-kind-of-sad thing. I would've settled for just plain happy. And I am. In more ways than I thought possible.

All of a sudden the office felt eerily quiet. My friends have moved to their new second home - two rides, two malls and one police camp away. All that's left here in the old abode is me - with my thoughts, my work, my music. (Dido isn't helping, either. Her songs are making me feel all the more nostalgic.)

Oh well...the day is far from over. It ain't even halfway yet. Things will be better. I just know it.

Unwrapped gifts I received on the 14th and 15th because the tree still wasn't up. I had no patience to just put them on my bookshelf. But I was up to my ears in laziness to even think about putting the tree up by myself. So early morning of the 16th, I opened my presents -- 9 days early but who cares?

Had a silly grin all morning -- happy about the fact that a lot of friends spent time, effort and money just to get me something. Anyone who braves the malls at this time of the holiday rush to get me something out of the goodness of their hearts -- and fondness for me, of course! -- is a hero in my book.

Then Mom put the tree up on Saturday morning. Total bummer!! The tree looks smashing but now I cannot put on display all those neat boxes gaily wrapped in colored paper with the name "Fay" smack in the middle. So in the spirit of the season, let me mock myself: Patience is a virtue.

Date: Dec. 14, 2004; Tuesday
Venue: Kahayag Cafe

On account of some officemates moving, we had our Christmas party early. Just like last year, too bad Iris ain't here...

Back in the office after a two-day absence. It wasn't a for a treat.

For the first time in years, I chewed my nails as I waited for my mom to be wheeled into her room. I felt like I had something crawling inside my skin. The book I brought to read during the wait was useless. The words just danced in front of my eyes. The tv helped a bit -- thank you techno-gods for channel-surfing! If it weren't for the fact that I was in a hospital room, waiting, I could've kissed the damned tv remote control.

As mom came into the room after what seemed like two days of waiting, I couldn't help but smile and put up a brave front. I couldn't let her see I had been going out of my mind with worry. Yeah, yeah the surgery was for her legs but hey...veins are veins. And in surgery...well, anything could happen.

Yesterday, mom was so brave to walk the million steps to the doctor's clinic on the other wing. Checkup, followup. Whatever. I was ready to bop the doctor for saying mom didn't need to use a wheelchair and that the walk would do her good. I bet ice on his face would do him good, too, if mom collapsed along the way. I was on edge from lack of sleep to be reasonable. I didn't need a reason.

My brother was such a dear to sacrifice precious sleeping hours to keep mom and I company. I was more than eager to go home after an overnight stay. Surprisingly, so was mom. Oh well, there isn't any better place to sleep in than in your own bed.

I love you!

These words never lose their meaning when uttered sincerely, not just for show. I was astounded when my niece, who is also my god-daughter, hugged me tight and said those precious words to me. On Christmas eve, no less.

The spontaneity of this dear three-year-old darling caught me by surprise and melted the grip that Scrooge was beginning to have in my heart.

Thank you, Chotee. I love you, too, sweetie!

Techonology has given us such a diverse way to meet people. We get to have "friends" we haven't even met. Hopefully, I'll get to meet up with a lot of my new friends and put a face to the names (and, in the case of my kindred spirit here at Tabulas, a name and face behind the thoughts, words and feelings).

But there is someone who I hope will always be a friend. Hope. That's right. These days, all one can do is hope.

Old Man 2004 is dragging his heels. Time is slow today, the last work day of the year for me. I feel like it should be time for me to turn off the pc, stop by my colleagues work areas, greet everyone a "Happy New Year!" and be on my merry way to wherever.

Wherever. Such a wealth of promise in that word. Especially since I am in a reckless, madcap mood. Why that is, I have no idea. Suffice it so say I won't be home for dinner tonight. Once in a while, it is fantastic to throw caution to the wind.

In a conversation earlier, someone said that people's moods are sometimes affected by the moon's cycle because our bodies are made up mostly of water. (Approximatey 66% of the human body consists of water.)

Interesting....

This pamper yourself fad is really catching on. I capped 2004 with a new experience - I went to a spa and had a whole body massage. The Stone Massage.

I am lucky to have had a very good and considerate therapist. She made me look forward to more such relaxing and totally invigorating experience.

Thanks, Bernadette.