butterfly kisses

I wanna go home. It's only 5:10pm and already I am itching to fly outta here. *sigh* No can do. Got to finish all these reports. Then there's the 8pm meeting. Aargh! What's with this day anyway?

The only fun I time I had so far was lunch with Xtine at Red Ribbon, CMall. Well...lunch for me and dessert for her.

Our stories are kind of parallel, in some ways. I really feel like she's the sister I never had. Until now.

Had a fun time with Maryann last night. Watched the movie Cinderella Story with her. Story was not really all that but it was a feel good kind of movie. The whole be-true-to-yourself bit. Which is great. Only in the real world, the choices aren't as easy to make.

Was able to catch CSI upon reaching home. Super! NYPD Blue wasn't bad either. "Honor killing" is something new I learned from the show. In some cultures, it is preferred to kill one's kin or offspring in the name of family honor. Woo! That is sick! But hey, that's their culture. So eventhough I don't approve of it, I am in no position to judge.

But why that comes up whenever it is interracial relationships that's the issue is beyond me. Why love between two people of different cultures be wrong is what I don't get either. Same as love between two people of different religious beliefs. As if we can always control this emotion.

Hmm...all that insight from just one thing encountered for the first time. Who says you get dumb watching tv?

in this life , i vow
to strive not to want
what i cannot have

for to do so brings me
nothing but pain
disappointment
despair

i have to be strong
strong in spirit
strong in will
strong in mind

for i can only rely on me
to be brave
to be happy
to be content

only i
and my God
can make me complete

2102001 1055pm

Normally, Saturdays are a welcome treat eventho I still have half-day work. But today is different. A client was coming over to meet my original team so I had to come in early too. On a Saturday! Anyway, it went well enough -- just intros, a bit of a tour of the offices and a bit of work-related chit chat.

Then, had the most amazing few minutes at the office. Got a call that made my day and apparently, will make my night as well. We shall see.

As the work-half of the day grinds to a halt, I am so eager to bolt and do some de-stressing activities. It's gonna be a long weekend since Monday is a holiday! Yeah!

It is such a cool morning. A welcome change from yesterday's hot and humid weather. Last night's heavy rains and lightning made the change possible.

Yesterday was Labor Day in the US. That meant no work for me. I was thankful for the break. I had a lot of things in my to-do list and the one I looked forward to the most was doing laundry.

It relaxes me. There's something about the smell of the detergent and fabric softener as they mix with water. . .and how the scent lingers on your hands. Something about doing the task - manual, mechanical or a combination of both - takes my mind off things. Seeing the dirty pile of clothes become clean ones hanging from the clothesline gives me a sense of accomplishment.

It has been quite a while since I embarked in doing this much laundry in months so it took me a few hours. I felt somewhat exhausted afterwards. Tired but relaxed. As I took my rest, the thought that maybe I should view my career like it was laundry came to mind. Unbidden. I was caught by surprise. Pleasant surprise, that is.

If my career is to be viewed like laundry, then I had to constantly give my mind a "wash." Right now, it is "soiled" with exhaustion, frustration, worry. More often than not, frustration is the dominant feeling. What do I need to do? Like laundry, right? So I guess that means I have to make changes to make my mind "clean" - do away with all the negative emotions and start fresh. Only then can I even begin to see some improvement ... or a total shift altogether.

Hmm ... one simple, everyday task made me rethink my career options. Just made me realize there really is something about uncluttering the most powerful yet not often used muscle the human race possesses. I need to do this more often.

to soar to new heights,
that is my goal.
to be the best that I can be
that is my wish
to succeed at everything I do
that is what I long for.

alas, now is not yet my time
of this I am certain. . .
how can you be sure?
you ask
because. . .
my goal I have not reached
my wish I have not been granted
my longing has not been quenched.

what have you done, thus far?
you say
nothing and everything!
is my reply
nothing that will stop me, and
everything that is possible.

maybe it's not enough?
maybe, could be
but is it not my turn to be great?
not yet, no . . .
because you still ask!

6252000 304am

my world has just gotten weird
in a sense, I'm the alien among men
moody, morose, pessimistic, aloof
will I ever be me again?

the carefree soul, the free spirit
the idealistic, wide-eyed girl
full of dreams, hope & excitement
will I ever be her again?


11212001 1158pm

I so much want to speak
what is in my heart, my mind
yet I hold back my tongue
for fear of rejection, of judgment

for someone who prides herself
in being confident and sure
insecurities still lurk deep in my soul
cause for deep feelings of uncertainty

where can I find a true friend
who listens without judgment
who understands yet stays silent
who hears my true voice yet remain my steadfast friend

if such a person I have met
yet have not dared to welcome yet
I pray I may be guided soon
so I can share all my wonderings

6132001 925pm

My romance with shoes has never been more pronounced than this year. I wanted to stop buying footwear on a whim, resolving to be more sensible with money and eventually have a bigger savings account to show for it come year end.

On the first quarter of the year, I brought chic sandals to wear to a good friend's wedding in Manila. The heel absolutely crumbled underneath me as I was standing in their church a few minutes before the bridal march, chatting away. I had to sit at the back, barefoot! I couldn't help but be amused. All I could think of was what an experience it was for me! It was definitely one of those you'll-never-believe-what-happened stories. Toward the end of the ceremony, my friend and I headed back to the hotel where I changed shoes and dumped the now-not-so-chic sandals in the trash. Off we went to where the reception was going to be. It was one heck of an experience!

Second quarter of the year, one of my favorite black high-heeled sandals made it known that in no uncertain terms was it taking me one step more toward anywhere. Much as I was going to miss them, I had to hand them over to the garbage guys. Oh well...with two pairs now gone, that gave me license to purchase new ones, right? Yeah! I lost no time shopping for not just one, but two. Hey, no sense in having one spot in my shoe rack empty.

Now, third quarter, as a bridesmaid at another friend's wedding, I had a reason -- okay, excuse -- to buy another pair of stilleto sandals. I was practically glowing as I spotted, tried on and eventually purchased what I thought was the perfect pair. I couldn't stop gushing about them; I practically bled my friends ears telling them about my glorious find.

Yesterday, as I played my first ever badminton game in like 15 years, my trusted Reebok shoes buckled down. It'll probably last until the end of this year with some type of adhesive while I break in another pair. Oh well...a-shopping I go again.

The fourth quarter of 2004 will definitely find me searching for and again eventually buying yet another pair -- or two -- of those marvelous things women just cannot live without - shoes!

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Fast-paced. This week, indeed, has been. A few more hours and it'll be the weekend. Yes!

Activity. Took in a movie on Tuesday. Anne Hathaway is one gorgeous girl. She sure can act, too. Has no qualms about being goofy. Did I mention she was gorgeous? Simply drop dead G. Going jogging tomorrow with two friends who don't look like they need the exercise. My gosh! When we all go, I'm the only one who seriously needs to burn track.

Culture. Cine Europa! Just learned that there's a horde of great Euro films to watch this weekend. I had passed up a lot of chances for some culture in me since I-don't-know-when. Conflicting skeds was mostly the culprit. This time, it being the weekend, I shall be making best efforts not to. Lots of luck to me on this one.

Work. This week has seen me busier. Not with mundane issue tracker but with management concerns. Evaluation. Promotion. Movement. Transition. Resignation. I wonder when I can add Demotion and Termination on my list. But...that is such nasty business. I have no desire to encounter such in like, oh, maybe the next 10 years?

Subdued. Homelife has been quiet. Everyone feeling a bit under the weather and arriving home a wee bit tired from the day's labors. The weekend will surely see us just lounging around in jammies. Recharging the weary batteries for yet another week attending to the business of living.

Such is life at the moment. Mundane. Exciting. Tiresome. Happy. Quiet. Peaceful. Exhilarating. Challenging. Never boring.

It's a Monday and I am looking forward to watching another episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Saturday, September 18, went with friends to Liloan to hunt for some great finds thru these stores fondly referred to as UK. It was an experience I will always look back upon with glee. Firsts always have that kind of impact.

I arrived home loaded with my wonderful purchases. I was exhausted but still so totally hyped. Chicklet then invited me to not miss going to Kahayag because. . . because. So off we went.

Two pitchers of gin pomelo and lots of food platefuls after, we closed the place (again!) and headed to a coffeeshop for some caffeine and their yummy apple pie.

Alas, no apple pie. We all sipped our cold coffee-flavored drinks. Time just went by because I looked toward the street and saw a jogger whiz by. What the --? It was 4 am! An hour or so later, as the sun was starting to paint the sky with some light and color, we all headed home.

Talk about an unplanned day that turned out just right. Really, when you are in the company of good, dear friends, everything stops and just seems to fit.

Spent the evening with friends. As always, fun and laughter took centerstage. On the spotlight: me and ... er... well, the new guys. Yes, yes. Plural. Enough said...for now.

We went our separate ways after some dimsum, sizzling plates, cotton candy, chicken nuggets and lots of boisterous laughter. Liza and I had our caffeine fix - tall whipped cream with some froccino crumble for me and lemon tsa tea for her - at the local coffeeshop.

Heading home, I felt like I could go on another 24 hours without sleep. Time with friends is truly an energizer.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CACAI!!
One of my best gal pals turns a year older today. Miss her much. Guess I'll just have to stretch my arms 'til they reach Florida.

*******

Bought new sandals at 50% off the regular price.
What a steal!
Hmmm....which outfit goes best with .........

About 30 minutes past midnight, I headed to Kahayag to meet up with Greza. So we could grab some chow and talk about my disaster of an experience. Yeecchh!

Talking about it brought on a barrell of laughs!

Came home at about 3am and fell into deep slumber. I remember having a dream about butterflies dancing over my head. Then an iridiscent blue one landed on my shoulder. Upon waking up, all I could think about was that same butterfly I saw at the USC museum. Landing on my shoulder. . .a tattoo of such a beautiful and dainty creature on that particular body part, perhaps? More deep thinking required. Definitely.

Stumbled upon AXN's new feature - animax. Now I want to be Japanese

Well, for starters, I got totally cool Japanese names! Oh yeah! So totally me.

My japanese name is 藤原 Fujiwara (wisteria fields) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky) or 藤原 Fujiwara (wisteria fields) 幸子 Sachiko (child of fortune).
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Then...



You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls. These souls are a little combination of everything, with always a little of their own chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving, weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented. They have their own firm opinion, and can at one time be very outspoken and passionate, and the other time shy and feeling insignificant. Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and other times can be a bore. You can act quite intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts easily, while other times they can find it difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are always very fun and Kind, and can be party animals. But, if you love someone, you're serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations -- the world should have more like you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only)
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"I'm OK"
"darating din tayo dyan, Lord"
"Sure, but why is doing it?"
impacho-wated! (copyright by sagow )